2023 Year In Review

If there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I love retrospectives. I relish in all of it, from redrawing old artwork to reminiscing on past conversations. I often find myself, at all times of the year, rereading my journals and marvelling at my ever-evolving worldview. I can learn so much in a day or a month, so by the end of the year, I feel totally new.

It always surprises me because, at first glance, my life seems very small and stagnant. I don't get out much or talk to many people. Of the 8,760 hours in this year, I must have spent less than 50 of them outside my room. Even within the safety of these four walls, much of my time is lost to mental illness that distorts my perception of the world. Very obviously, I lead a markedly sad and lonely life.

But with closer inspection, I am reminded again and again that this is not entirely true. My life is as full and rich as anybody else's, and I hold all the same potential for newness and joy. At times things are hard for me, sure, but that's no reason to give up. I refuse to ignore the positive developments. By comparing the details of the past and present, I'm able to see how much I've grown. For me, these reflections are proof that I am still alive, still developing, and still hungry for more.

It's not just me. All of us can grow and change, no matter how young or old you are, and now matter how low down or high up you feel right now. For anyone who had a hard time this year, or who anticipates a harder one the next, please hold onto hope. Every day is full of new opportunities, big and small. Yesterday was full of new things, too, things worth celebrating. As painful as life is— as it always will be, as it absolutely must be— your existence is a precious gift.

This year, I chose life, and I will do the same in 2024.
That is the essence of vivarism.

So... What Did I Do in 2022?

To start, it's probably best that I skip back another 12 months for a quick recap. As much as I love retrospectives, I haven't actually written any "year in review" type journal entries since 2020. Going forward, I would like to make this a regular practice. A tradition, even!

My 2022 experience started off strong with my new devotion to husbandofagging. I have always been imagining characters and stories for comfort and wish fulfillment, but that January I decided to take on the title yumejoshi and put more energy into it. Around my birthday, I fell for Vyn from Tears of Themis and enjoyed "dating" him until my love faded in the summertime. I've already written about that on my fictional crush shrine, from so I'll spare the details here.

Around that time, I left school and my first job to move to a new house. My summer break melted back into hikineeting and it totally sucked!!! But I also re-emerged into online spaces, cultivated a very important friendship, and, to everyone's surprise, rediscovered my love for one Mr. Sans Undertale. I spent the last days of summer obsessively drawing him and developing our story. In November, Gokiburi-chan saw first light.

With autumn also came the birth of Vivarism, my most beloved web project to date. I am very glad that I began when I did and have centered my "corner of the internet" on themes of choice, creativity, and life itself. In the same vein, I finally realised that nobody is coming to save me. I have to take responsibility for myself and for my own happiness. As the year came to a close, I was determined to get well.

That is the energy that carried me into this year, 2023. A strong desire to take care of myself, to grow up into a Real Adult, and see my world expand.

How did 2023 Unfold?

Well... I started the year with high hopes, but I don't think I gained much ground on the "growing up" front. That's probably normal. Life is as difficult as it is precious, and change is slow. On my hompeage, I wrote so poetically about moving forward one step at a time, but in truth I am quite frustrated with my lack of progress. I am desperate for relief from my pain, which has at times seemed too much for me to bear. But of course, I'm bearing it. That's the only reason I'm here writing to you today.

I can be frustrated at the same time that I'm grateful, and disappointed at the same time that I'm determined. Emotions are complex and wonderful, and I'll savour every last one. I can admit that I've failed, and grieve the time lost and energy squandered, while also celebrating my successes.

This journal will be one of celebration. I survived this year— nay, I lived through it. I was here. There is proof of my existence, culmulative evidence of me through yesterdays and -years. From here on, I'll write about the things that I did, made, and discovered in 2023. Together, we can compare my past and present, and confirm that there has always been a life for me to choose.

Vivarism 2.0

In April, Vivarism saw a major overhaul. I can't remember what inspired me to start such an ambitious renovation— perhaps it was on a whim that I jumped to remake my entire website. It took me about a month to complete, with some days where I did nothing but eat, sleep, and code. While a lot of my designs were scrapped, a couple were only refreshed, and my profile page remains near identical. As such, it's a valuable reference point for the development of my new style.

Notice how soft everything has become. With the shadows properly blurred and the borders delicately concealed, their dimension looks more realistic. With type, I've moved away from hard, isometric edges into gentle, handwritten curves. I adjusted the spacing as well, for readability and ease, and to maintain the balance of the page. The subtlest yet most effective change can be seen in my new background images. They're all textured to resemble fabric or paper, complimenting the scan lines on my stickers and giving my signature "layering" technique even more interest and depth.

Overall, the effect is a heartier design with a lot more character. Since the reboot, several people have commented on how unique my website is, which means even more to me than hearing that it's "cute" or "pretty." And yes I am tooting my own horn when I say that I've never seen anything else quite like Vivarism— neither in content nor in design!!

I am very proud of the work I do here. I'm excited to see how my tastes evolve and my design skills improve through the next year. Eventually I will want to clean things up behind the scenes, too, and get all my code up to standard. A task for Future Flonne!

2023's Best Page

I thought it would be fun to compare the designs I made this year and hold a self-indulgent little contest, too. Vote for the page you like the best!!! Based on the design, the content, whatever criteria you like— anything goes.

Click on the images to pull up a larger preview, and use the links in the captions to navigate to the live versions.

I'm excited to see what you all choose ^__+^ ! If I had to pick... I think my favourite work are the November and December diaries.

My New Computer!!!

Of all my life's developments in 2023, this purchase was the most significant, both materially and monetarily. By that I mean, I spent ALL MY FREAKING MONEY ON THIS THING!!! THIS BUILD CLEANED OUT MY ACCOUNT!!!!!!!!!! I BANKRUPTED MY JOBLESS ASS FOR A FUCNTIONAL GPU!!!!!!!!!!!!

And my life is so much better for it! I love my PC!!!! Whenever I want to say, "oh, nothing changed this year," or (even worse) "everything sucks just as much as it did last year," all I have to do is glance at my brand spanking new computer and watch the false sentiment evaporate in the face of my $2,000 purchase.

Yes, I'm broke, but my desk set-up is so much more comfortable now, and my machine ten times as capable. I have seemingly endless space for hoarding new pictures and music, and I can play any game I want, and my monitor is big and bright and easy to read.

I love the decorating that I've done, too. The day that I applied all those stickers to my case and monitor was a day well spent. I'm so happy to have a glass tower where Sans can sit inside and stare at me, unblinking, as I write erotica about him. And it's not pictured, but I am blessed to have my Cintiq set up on a swivel arm that makes it easy to get started with drawing. I still find myself hunching over it, and there are some other ergonomic fails I'd like to correct with a new desk next year, but overall I have made great strides in comfort and accessibility. I love my PC │╂☆ ┠┸┐ │┤!!!