Junkfood Fiction
Sometimes I just want to put Sans in my mouth and chew. These stories are tropey or outlandish, carried by the "just for fun"/"what if?" energy that I believe is at the heart of all fanfiction. So-called literary value and prose quality are highly variable... but hijinx are most definitely on the up and up!
- "He's Got Your Phone" by QuintessenceA
Efficacy ★★★★☆ Character ★★★★☆ Prose ★★☆☆☆ This story is hilarious, and it highlights one of my favourite things about Sans's character: his trolling!!! He and his alternate self endlessly dunk on the Reader Insert, making for about 4,000 words of squirmy secondhand embarrassment. Delicious. I'm not a huge Sanscest shipper, but I still wouldn't want Sans going through my phone and seeing all the nasty things I have to say about him, hehe...
- 56 Minutes in Skele-Hell by mccloudydayz
Efficacy ★★★★☆ Character ★★★★☆ Prose ★★★☆☆ I grew up on Quizilla, a fanfiction/personality quiz website that no longer exists. My fondest memories of the website are of NARUTO Akatsuki "Seven Minutes in Heaven" stories, and when I was feeling nostalgic the other day, I got curious to see if there was something like that for Sans. Thankfully, mccloudydayz had already answered my prayers two years in advance!!!
This fic has just the right balance of humour and drama, fluff and spice.... It's not smutty, either— more lime than lemon— which is exactly how I remembered those old Akatsuki fics being, too. I don't normally care for the AU skelebros ensemble, but this story is so cute that I devoured each chapter with an eagerness that really surprised me. And of course, the love of my life Classic Sans made for a lovely, lovely, plot-relevant finale~
- "who's to say which side is losing?" by pawn_vs_player
Efficacy ★★★☆☆ Character ★★★★☆ Prose ★★☆☆☆ There are lots of works written for this 'verse, most of which I haven't read. The other one I like is called, "the world is my oyster, so let's crack it open and see what it yields." They're part of an AU called DefectTale, which centers on an unfeeling, socipathic Sans and the toxic relationships he forges with Flowey and Chara. I am generally fascinated by fake or two-faced characters, lies and facades, so naturally when you apply that to my favourite little skeleton, I will click as fast as I can!
I don't expect a fanfiction as canon-divergent as this to keep everyone in character, but pawn_vs_player does a pretty good job. Her Flowey is very convincing, and Sans, most importantly, sounds like himself. As such, I don't mind him acting in ways that are contrary to his canon values, or even at odds with his new ones established by the fic itself. After all, my favourite AU is Dusttale, so when I see an Evil Sans, all my sensibilities fall away and I just start salivating. I read these two fics in a daze, and by the time I came to, I'd produced a whole puddle of drool.
Also I really, really enjoy the bizarre way in which he looks after Chara and indulges her weird apocalypse obsession. It's so cute!!!╂┬
- Goldfish by ReaderRose
Efficacy ★★★★☆ Character ★★★★☆ Prose ★★★★☆ You might recall the name ReaderRose because she was featured further up the list in the "Craft-Respecting" section. This time she's delivered something just as well-written, but decidedly farfetched: another Evil Sans goodie~☆ Sadly it is ends on a cliffhanger and will likely never be finished... but still, I'm smitten with what's been shared so far!
Since reading it about a week ago, it's been bouncing around in my head like wow... yeah... that sure was fucked up, wasn't it??? My main complaint is that we didn't get to see enough of Sans acting like an abusive piece of shit, but I can appreciate the fact that this first half was meant to build us up before it all crashes down. Pity that we'll never see the delicious downfall. If nothing else, I do love to see Sans playing a long con....
Honestly, my favourite part of this fic are the two or three Sans-POV paragraphs right at the beginning. They offer a convincing snippet of worldbuilding and some fascinating insight into the Sans-but-evil perspective. That little bit inside his head is the most we really see of his assholery in this 'verse. I adored every second of it!┌─
- Cupcake by TheMsource
Efficacy ★★★★☆ Character ★★★★☆ Prose ★★★★☆ This piece is rather well-written, but I'm classifying it as Junkfood because it feels so... self-indulgent? And, being a post-canon story for a post-canon Alternate Universe, it's two steps removed from the real UNDERTALE. Factoring in that this Sans is an actual child molester... well, it means he might as well be an OC. At least he still talks like Sans!
I've not actually read Horrortale (too scary for me!), so I picked this one up just for the couch gag-esque age gap dynamic. Like... training for the real deal, you know? Haha. Anyways, there aren't too many stories like these in the Sansdom, so Cupcake is a treat just as sweet as its name. Sometimes the story drags a bit, but overall I'm really enjoying it.
Unlike readers more familiar with Horrortale, I'm just as ignorant as the heroine, making the story 100x more enjoyable. I love it when the characters' facades suddenly fall away, then quickly resume without comment, and she's left totally confused as to what just happened.... Like, girl, me too!
Unfortunately, that's the only relatable thing about her, since I had totally different priorities at age thirteen. The slightly younger Frisk in couch gag is much more my speed— she's just as self-conscious, but for totally different reasons. At least no matter what, we're all united by our crush on Sans, heheh!
- in the land of gods and monsters, i was human. by Anonymous
Efficacy ★★★☆☆ Character ★★★★☆ Prose ★★★★☆ This girl just gets it. The one-sided attraction and obsession and masochism and just... UGGHHH!!!!! There's no way in the world this story will ever be finished, and it's impossible to check up on the author, but I am so very grateful that what she did write has been shared with the world.
Her fantasy reminds me a lot of my very early "Versus Sans In the Judgement Hall" daydreams— the ones I was having when I first read thist story!— so I was very happy to know I wasn't alone with my lovey-dovey homicidal obsession. Overall the piece is mostly introspective poetics, leaving me wanting for real-time character interaction, but you know I love poetry.... Can't complain!
- Sugarless Milk Chocolate by starrylitme
Efficacy ★★★★☆ Character ★★★★★ Prose ★★★☆☆ Like the DefectTale stories mentioned above, this is another longfic about Chara mindbreaking Sans to turn him into a murderer. This time, it takes about 100,000 words worth of convincing and then... the story ends?! Sheesh! Right when we were getting to the good part! If nothing else, my disappointment is a testament to my investment in starrylitme's twisted little world.
As I've said before, and will certainly say again, I love to ruin Sans's life. I'm always down to watch him fall apart and go insane, especially if he's also trying desperately to prove to himself and everyone else that he's actually fine. "Fine" is a keyword in this story... and it fits perfectly with the fic's official theme song: Casker's future K-pop bop, "You." I love this song! And I'm putting it in my サンゴキ playlist!!!!
