> 🌭🍔🍟 Vivarism | Undiarytale 🍟🍔🌭

Dear Undiarytale...

2023.03.29

So... I just spent the entire evening writing about my (wholesome) dynamic with Sans and it was so, so much fun. Really fulfilling stuff! I always feel close to him when I fantasise like this. It feels extra good when I write it down, too. The only probably with writing it down is that it's absolutely exhausting, but I also can't think of any other way I'd have wanted to spend my time. Basically, I'm satisfied! I'm fatigued in a pleasant way, like after a workout!!! ← working her yoom muscles

Anyways, all that stuff I wrote is in the pop-up box over on the side. There's so much that I will eventually move it to its own page... which again brings me to the issue of "what the heck do I even put in that box!" But that's a problem for future Vivarism. Right-now-Vivarism is going to wash up and go to bed and fall asleep thinking about Sans.

2023.03.26

Wow, so I really spent the bulk of my Sunday afternoon making little 4-quadrant graphs to display our relationship dynamics like those OTP memes you see on Twitter. It took me an embarrassingly long time to remember that CSS grid not only exists but was perfect for the task at hand. Once I did, though, coding was a breeze! I'm really, really proud of myself for making them, 'cause they're cute and fully responsive— proud enough to share the code somewhere so anybody can use them! But! They don't belong on this page!!!!!

It'd make a lot more sense to have them on the page where I write about all our different AUs and timelines and stuff.... So, I'll leave them on here for now, but not forever. I'll have to come up with something else to put in that pop-up modal! There's a short playlist in there right now, but I want to add even more stuff if I can.

Sans is a smart guy— I wouldn't call him a computer guy, per se, even though he's definitely on the higher-than-average side of technological literacy. For that reason, I like to think he'd be impressed by the work I do here. Obviously not in the "wow, I could never do something like that," kind of way, but like... "wow, you sure put a lot of effort into this," kind of way. And he'd nod along as I ranted about positioning multiple background images, and doing math in the selectors, and how I felt guilty using in-line styles in my HTML— and he'd chime in to remind me that, at the time, it was more convenient than adding even more rules to my already miles-long CSS document, and there are worse things you can do to page load times— and I'd say OMG, you are so right! This is why I'm in love with you. And he'd say uh... yeah. Sure thing, kid.

Haha, why did writing that make me grin so much? It reminds me that, earlier today, I was thinking about making a sort of cellphone simulation page where you could read our texts. In my phone, his name would be ♡♥☆★Sans★☆♥♡ and I'd be spitting decome at him 24/7. Meanwhile, he doesn't even have my number saved. He just sends me a thumbs up or a sarcastic quip in response to yet another quadruple text— 9 hours later, if at all. Aghh, so many ideas! Maybe I need to make some deadlines for myself so I'll have a little pressure to get things done.... Or maybe, I could get comfortable uploading pages that aren't totally finished? Hmm....

Yeah, okay, it's decided! I'll get started on my Timelines page (again) and, even though I definitely do not have all the art I need to finish it, I have some— and that's plenty enough to get started!

Anyways, the charts I mentioned are in the pop-up box linked on the side! Click around and see for yourself.

2023.03.25

To my surprise, there were tons of cute fast-food-type stickers in the Yummy set. It was like a never-ending parade of burgers and fries, and there are at least three (3) different sheets featuring ketchup! As I was cutting them out, I kept thinking, "aww, these remind me of Sans!" and wondering where I could use them on an Undertale page. Unfortunately, the shrine was very blue, and rather isometric— totally opposite to the warm, whimsical, paper-textured stickers— so they would never have fit the theme. That's why, right now, we're looking at a completely differently styled page! How exciting!

For a while now, I'd already been thinking about how the Undertale section seemed to belong to an entirely different website. Of course, that was completely intentional! When I designed it, I wanted the focus to be on my own personal artwork, rather than my sticker sets. More importantly, the colour scheme had to compliment me and Sans! That bright aqua served its purpose well, and indeed it shall be sorely missed— but not too much. In fact, I'm actually really excited to redesign this section! It's already looking great. I can't wait to add more!

When I first created this shrine, for the sake of my own psychology, I needed to put some distance between my self-ship antics and the core of Vivarism. No such need remains. I believe it was January when I said my autocringephobia was in full remission? Well, there's some terrible news. I now suffer from the opposite affliction: autocringephilia! I'M CRINGE AND I'M FUCKING FREE!!!!! Serious sacrifices have been made so I could love this stupid skeleton. I will honour them by having as much fun as I possibly can.

Sooo, yeah! Basically, I'm not holding back anymore. Lately I've been reflecting a lot on my values and intentions, and I see clearly now that what we get out of life is what we put in. In that past I'd have been overwhelmed by the thought, but now I'm just energised! No time to waste when there's a day begging to be seized!

This is it! The give and take of life! We're all responsible for the energy we put out into the world. The energy I want to share is fully authentic, unabashed and unrestrained. I'll chase my happiness straight into the sunset, and I won't look back for even one second.

So? Were you invigorated by my shounen-protagonist-style pep talk? Heehee.

Below are some things I wrote as placeholder text while I was building this page— at 3 a.m., which is why it's in lapslock and embarrassingly candid. Even though I was exhausted, it was a real struggle to stop writing, haha. Once I get started thinking about him, it's practically impossible for me to pull myself away.

fun facts about Sans

  • left handed
  • collects socks
  • enjoys toilet humour
  • admits his jokes are bad; tells them anyway. makes no effort to improve
  • allegedly under 5ft tall
  • extroverted
  • eats the same thing every day
  • gainfully employed
  • can fall asleep anywhere
  • scratches his ass in public
  • interest in condiments goes beyond ketchup: also a fan of mustard and relish
  • can't actually read your mind even though it seems like he can
  • he can see your stats though... weird.

Headcanons

  • light sleeper. often only pretending to sleep
  • stalks people as a hobby/on a whim
  • great at rhythm games
  • sits perfectly still while listening to speedcore
  • would jokingly propose to me with an onion ring, and after he puts it on my finger i wear it through the whole meal, and i keep saying omg i'm never eating this, and he's like uhh are you sure?? and i say yes of course, and he's like in a few days it's going to rot and smell terrible and i'll be like i don't care!!! you know i'm anosmic anyway and he's like ah, right, your disability, and he's halfway nervous but mostly just amused because now he has to come up with a clever way to get me to bite into it without giving it away that the REAL RING is inside the freaking breaded onion.
  • fave movie: the big lebowski
  • i want him to whistle while he walks around, thatd be so cute. i know skeletons don't have lips but when has that stopped him?

favourite daydreams

  • spooning. this is my last conscious thought every single night as well as the first thing i think about every morning
  • sitting in his lap (esp. at mealtimes), leaning against his chest. he pats my tummy, my hair tickles under his jaw
  • wrapped up inside his jacket cuz i'm COLD
  • walking together, holding hands, playing I-spy and punch buggy and word associations
  • grabbing his skull in my little hands and kissing everywhere on his entire face, including the insides of his nose and eye sockets (he doesn't like that very much)
  • menacing him with a deadly weapon and even though his poker face doesn't budge i can still tell he's scared
  • he picks me up!!!!! probably to suplex me... but i'd be happier if he carried me somewhere
  • rubbing dirt and snow in my hair. bullying me cuz he likes me
  • he sees all the drawings/writing/etc that i make about him and he just kinda... stares... then resumes whatever he was saying/doing before
  • head pats
  • sharing a meal, he gets to feed me. increasingly ridiculous versions of "here comes the airplane." "here comes to forklift." "here comes the steamroller." "here comes the jackhammer!" (hits me with the spoon)
  • why are all of those construction tools? they're supposed to be modes of transport. ugh.
  • PUTTING ON MY SOCKS! HOW SCANDALOUS! i want him to pick them out as well. please goddess i need sans to start collecting novelty socks that remind him of me and be (secretly) ecstatic when i wear them